You tried to shame me for not showing up for family gatherings. A family that barely showed up for me. You laid it on thick, as if I was the only one not attending. I wasn’t. And afterwards is when you finally asked my reason why. I explained that I was sick and had been getting sick a lot. And that was why I couldn’t attend family events. You stared at me expressionless, said nothing, and then turned away from me. You continued the conversation you were having with our brother before you started in on me. I stood there for a few seconds wondering what just happened. No sympathy was expressed. No words of comfort. I was just dismissed, just like that. I wasn’t expecting this, not from you. I thought you were kinder. I thought you cared more. I went back to my room heartbroken. This wasn’t a new experience for me. I had seen little proof that my family cared about me. All except one member. But it still shook me. And I spent a lot of time wondering why. Did she not believe me? I’ve never been a liar. So why would she be skeptical of my words? Was she getting bad information from someone? Was she self-projecting onto me? Or did she not like that the conversation was no longer about her? Or some other reason that I hadn’t thought of? And then you expect me to give you a hug the next time I see you.
I hardly ever tell anyone what’s going on with me because they don’t act like they care. And the few times that I have had the courage to open up about shit was received with little to no empathy. Either they didn’t act like they cared much. Or they showed a small amount of concern. And then took this opportunity to show off their supposed knowledge. I didn’t need medical advice from someone who wasn’t a doctor. I needed someone to listen to me and empathize. Show me that you care. But instead, I get your unprofessional opinion. Or gaslighted for my efforts made to share and possibly bond with you.
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